Have you justified your eating to your dining companions, waiting staff or complete strangers because you feel guilty or ashamed of your choices? Why do you think that is?
While living in Brisbane, I remember going to the park to eat my lunch by the ocean on a weekday. I walked past a lady sitting at a picnic table facing out to sea. She looked up and saw me—a complete stranger.
I smiled at her. But rather than say hello, she smiled at me and said, ‘I don’t normally eat like this for lunch’.
I looked to the table. Only then noticed that she was eating fish and chips.
Why do we feel the need to explain ourselves to others?
Firstly, I believe that our widely accepted diet culture and perception of how we should or should not eat means that discussing how we will deprive ourselves later or start our diet tomorrow or Monday is normal.
Therefore, when our eating does not align with popular diets, we can feel a need to explain ourselves.
Secondly, we fear what others will think about us and what we eat. If we are in a larger body or dining with someone more petite than ourselves, we can feel that they will judge us for the amount we eat or the foods we choose. In this case, we feel a need to explain ourselves. We can think that anytime someone glances our way, we are being judged; if we choose to eat a salad, others may think it is just for show. Conversely, if we eat a dessert, others may think this explains our weight.
However, what we see someone eat occasionally does not give us a good indication of how they eat most of the time or whether their weight reflects their diet. How someone looks doesn’t give us an indication of how they eat or their lifestyle behaviours. We can’t assume that someone who is petite is healthy or that someone who is overweight is unhealthy.
Therefore, any thoughts or judgements we have about someone else, or them about us, are untrue. They are only a reflection of the beliefs of the one who is doing the judging.
When someone glances at us as we sit in the park or café eating a salad, chips or cheesecake, we can’t know what they are thinking. Even if they are judging another for their body or their eating, it says more about them than it does about us. They are judging based on their own beliefs and perceptions of what someone should or shouldn’t be eating for health or weight maintenance.
What others think of you really has nothing to do with you.
What matters is how you feel about yourself and your eating, whether you feel at peace with your eating and food, whether you are eating based on your body’s internal cues and enjoyment or your external rules and fears.
Joyful Eating: How to Break Free of Diets and Make Peace with Your Body
“… practical tools to help people release their sabotaging thoughts, enabling them to eat more intuitively and find joy in the moment.”
— Michelle Stanton, author of The Timeless World.
